While some people are capable of spilling their heart out and form a strong healthy relationship, there are some who are afraid of commitment. Their fear of commitment is usually the fear of getting the heart broken, again. When you have been betrayed or heart-broken a few times, it comes naturally to be cautious; it might also be the result of some childhood issues. There are not much dead giveaways to decide if someone is a commitment phobe. In fact, you won’t recognize a commitment phobe until you are actually dating them, and perhaps not even then. Commitment phobes often end up breaking hearts. Not necessarily because they don’t care, but they are unable to handle their commitment issues. If you think that you might be a commitment phoebe, in which case you already know you are, accepting is the first step towards changing this attitude of yours. In case you need some help to recognize a commitment phobe inside of you or someone you are dating, here are some signs to help you out.
1. Long History of Past (Short) Relationships
If you have a long history of short term relationships, there is a good chance you are a commitment phobe. Think about it; why have you been jumping from relationship to relationship? If you know someone with the similar history, you should definitely be aware of them. Since they have had commitment issues in the past, it is highly likely that it will continue to be so in the future.
2. Break-up at the first sign of trouble
If you try and find an easy way out at the first sign of trouble, you are definitely a commitment phobe. Instead of sorting out the problems, they tend to disappear and find the escape route. But, if you continue on this route and run away from the first sign of trouble, you will never be able to make a strong connection with anyone.
3. Being tied to a single partner is scary
Some people have commitment issues because they cannot digest being linked to a single person their entire life. If you feel the same, you need to sort out your issues right now. Maybe you need to look at it from a different angle. Instead of looking at it as being tied down to one person, think of it as being faithful, which you would have done anyway.
4. Might hamper your goals
Another popular excuse for people to run away from commitments is an excuse to how it might hamper their life and career goals. When you think of it clearly, it really doesn’t, except if being in a relationship requires you to quit or job or shift or some other inconveniences. Most of the time, it’s just an excuse like so many others.
5. Use of grammatical modifiers when speaking
This is an important sign, which usually turns out to be fairly accurate, but just as easy to miss. Commitment phobes are found to use the words “probably, “maybe” etc frequently in their conversations. They are not willing to commit to anything, not even by words. They do not like to take part in something, which they cannot be sure of. For instance, they will say I will probably be there by 2, instead of I will be there by 2. They are subconsciously evaluating the off chance that they might run into traffic or come across some emergency. In which case, they would have been the source of disappointment to the person waiting.
6. Not using the ‘L’ word
Even after months of being in a relationship, you will find that they will be hesitant to use the L word. Commitment phobes are afraid of expressing their feelings. They are even scared of having feelings, so even if they do use the L word, it could be reluctantly. Being expressive, pushes the relationship to a new deeper phase, which normally couples would look forward to. On the contrary, that is exactly why those with commitment issues prefer to keep their relations at a fair distance, avoiding any sort of personal closeness.
7. Not a part of their world
If you are with a commitment phobe, you probably haven’t been introduced to their family members, or any of their friends. Bringing you in the circle would suggest seriousness, and that is the last thing they want. If you are looking for a serious relationship, yet, you don’t even know their address or anything about them at all, you might need to act on it sooner rather than later, to save yourself from an unnecessary heart break.